Fear. I spent a few moments thinking of a fear to write about, and initially couldn’t think of anything.
I could write about a fear of writing and starting a blog, but…yeah, I’ve been writing and blogging on a regular basis for a few weeks now. The only way to overcome a fear of writing and blogging is to simply write and blog.
I could write about a fear of failing. The method I used for overcoming the fear of failing was to try, and continue trying until success was achieved. If I’m failing at something, I’m at least trying. And if I’m trying, that means I’m taking action in the right direction. Ultimately the fear has decreased over time as I continue taking action.
I could talk about the fear of letting go and expressing my emotions, thoughts and feelings, but that’s no longer an issue. Over the past year, with the help of a partnered 15-minute meditation practice, I’ve been able to reach moments of total surrender with free flow of emotions that has carried over into other areas of my life. Perhaps I will devote a future blog post to discussing the many forms of meditation I currently practice. Also, holding onto emotions is not healthy. We are emotional creatures (both men and women) and should never encourage one another (or ourselves) to hold emotions within. Experiencing and expressing the lows is as important as acknowledging the highs. When I feel a wave emotion rising on the inside, I allow myself to ride the wave and learn a lesson from the experience.
There are many fears I struggled with in the past and I decided to use this blog post to discuss overcoming those fears. There was one particular fear that affected me more than any other and consumed so much of my life. That is the fear of judgement from others. And what was it that certain people chose to judge and ridicule? Being myself.
Let me explain…
My memories on being judged are from an early age in grade school. I remember being judged and made fun of at school simply because of the way I speak. Apparently, the fact that I speak clearly and annunciate my words correctly was not widely accepted by a few of my peers in school. Daily hearing the following words at school, “Oh you’re speaking White” or “You’re trying to be a White girl” or “For a Black girl, you speak so well”. What?? Hearing this everyday created a confusing and stressful experience in school. Well, for the record, I’m proud to be a Black woman, this skin color cannot change and I don’t want it to.
Being judged at a young age for something I could not change caused me to put myself down, second guess myself and hesitate in accomplishing goals later in life. Or when I accomplished something significant, I would keep the news to myself out of fear of being judged in some way by those I shared my news with. Perhaps if the judgement I experienced was directed at something I could change, then maybe it would have been easier to accept and understand. I was judged, ridiculed, and bullied for being myself and using proper grammar. I’m thankful for the support system in my family because the pressure could have provoked me to cause major harm to myself or worse.
I have a birthday coming up (April 20) and I’ve reached an age where I’m no longer negatively affected by judgment of others. Can you believe I still hear adults criticize my speech by using the term “talking White”? Yes! Recently an adult (a Black woman) asked me why I speak the way I do because I “sound White”.
What is sounding/speaking white? I didn’t know our speech had a color. I didn’t know correct grammar was affiliated with only one race of people.
What if the correct grammar I grew up hearing at home prepared me to become a writer and author? What if the correct grammar I grew up hearing at home prepared me to speak before millions providing encouragement and empowering people by sharing my story? What if the proper grammar prepared me to accomplish goals I haven’t set or place me in the paths of people I’ve yet to meet? What if proper grammar prepared me to form the words to write this blog?
Fear of judgment is over because I’m not changing the way I express myself and I don’t have to. I also realize that remaining silent means I can’t help others. My daughter has already faced the same type of bullying and ridicule in school simply because she speaks clearly and uses proper grammar. I’ve had to support and encourage her on days she came home from school crying trying to figure out what’s wrong with the way she speaks. How can I encourage her if I don’t overcome the fear of judgment from my own past? I had that experience and overcame it so I could provide encouragement and support for my daughter.
We all must support and uplift one another instead of tearing each other down. Bullying gets us nowhere and stops the flow of progress.
So, now that I’ve used this blog post on fear to discuss overcoming fears, I guess I should figure out what my current fear might be. I believe there could be a fear of having regrets at the end of my life. Well the only way to overcome this fear is to live everyday as my best with no regrets!
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